Travel as Grief Therapy: My Story of Healing Abroad
November is always a hard month for me – it’s my late mom’s birthday month. In our house growing up, birthdays were THE DAY. No school, no work, all your favorite meals, shopping or outings to do all your favorite things! It’s a tradition I’ve carried into my own family – no one works on birthdays, are you kidding me?!! And being in Portland, there is always a stop at Pips for some free b-day donuts.
My mom passed in 2012 and that year my now husband and I had a trip planned to Europe. She passed in Feb and I had this trip planned for September, and I counted down the days. Between those two dates was called “The Summer of Chaos” – lovingly named by my girlfriends and I based on how many nights we spent out in leather pants, dancing our hearts out and remembering how it felt to be alive. Well, that was my summer – I think the others were just there along for the ride.
Fresh off a breakup and traveling with my ex (again, now husband lol) was an emotional rollercoaster on it’s own but I was also prepping for my second solo trip. First half on my own, second half with my bestie Erik.
It started off a little rough, I got drugged at a bar on like the 3rd night. And then was so scared in the neighborhood I had picked in Zurich that I just stayed in and drank wine and read. I learned a lot, about myself – about strangers – about cities with vibes. But I also realized that I had not been quiet for the past 7 months and hearing my thoughts was pretty profound and healing. There was lots of time alone in restaurants or on my balcony just looking at my life and feeling so much relief. That I was still here, even if my mom wasn’t and that I’m in this strange country by myself and the realization that I get to write what happens next was just so overwhelming.
Erik joined me at just about the perfect point in that trip – I had has 7 or 10 days to just sit and simmer and process. When I met up with him I was able to just be present and not stuck in my head. At this point we had known each other for about 6 years so even though we had been broken up he was truly my home. It was then that life completely unfolded before me. We had such an incredible time, talking about our futures and how they might intersect moving forward as well as sharing stories about my mom and the love that could never be replaced of that relationship.
It was so healing, I called my boss two days before I was supposed to be back and asked for more time. She said yes, of course because she’s a fantastic human, and I pushed my flights out. I continued in this happy little cocoon until I got back a few days later. Looking back this was the start of many years of actionable progress in healing from the unexpected loss of my mom.
Every November I feel a little antsy and anxious and realize it’s because what used to be one of the most cherished days of the year is fast approaching. We’ve created Jean-boree, our annual tradition of doing all my mom’s favorite things on her birthday to make the day something special instead of spending the day in absolute guilt and grief.
This year we put our sweet little puppy down in April, but her birthday was the day after my mom’s. We always had said that she was my sassy mom reincarnated and how lucky were we to have a little furball that brought so much joy during a stressful time of year. I had put little thought to what it would mean for me when both were gone. Unfortunately, I’m much more versed in grief and understand how I process it more now than I did 13 years ago and have plan for this year.
We’re escaping, because sometimes that’s the best remedy. We’re heading out of the country on my mom’s birthday, which is important as she was the one who taught me to explore this big beautiful earth. Together we’ll enjoy the beaches of Belize together on our lil pup’s birthday, which was one of her favorite places.
What’s more comforting that being with people and in places that remind you of your loved ones that have passed? Not much.
Travel continues to be the outlet I use to process grief, loss and just all the deep things. My mind is never as quiet as it is on a new adventure. Of course there are endless things to see and touch and process and and and – but also, your heart and mind are so open. There’s a natural forgiveness you give yourself and others when you’re traveling that doesn’t happen in everyday life. The key is to tap into that and allow yourself to feel all the feels, however many years they may be layered deep down in there.
What are you carrying and how has travel helped you process that?
Grieving alone is not an option, it requires vulnerability and hope – that there will be light on the other side. Patience and love will get you there. I see you, I hold you.
If you’ve ever used travel to process grief, loss, or life’s heaviest moments, you’re not alone. This kind of “healing travel” has carried me through some of the hardest seasons of my life, and I know it can do the same for others. If you’re looking for resources, solo travel inspiration, or mindful group trips designed to help you reconnect with yourself, explore upcoming journeys with Newberry Travel. Your healing deserves space — wherever in the world you choose to find it.
Lil bb Leeah on a trip that would change life’s trajectory <3
